Last Rotten Borough AKA City of London Council Satirised In Verse

For the last three years, Graeme Harrower – a City of London councillor from 2015 to 2022 – has been writing verse and prose that satirises the City of London Corporation (as the City of London council is formally called). His work focuses on the council’s lack of democratic legitimacy and the folly that is rife within the Court of Common Council, comprising 125 “elected” members (100 councillors and 25 alders, i.e. senior councillors).

In all neighbouring London boroughs the resident electors of the square mile would merit two councillors to represent them. Hence the retention of business votes given to local businesses, an affront to democracy long ago abolished everywhere else in the UK. But even with business voters added to the electoral role, the City of London council is still massively over numbered in comparison to any other UK local authority.

To date, Graeme Harrower’s work has had a small distribution by email among members, council officers and a few City residents. Several people have asked for it to be more widely distributed, and he has agreed. So we are reproducing, as a seasonal special, verses written in October 2020 that provide a succinct overview of the City council’s failings. They are accompanied by a variation of the council’s coat of arms, in which the dragons have been replaced by sheep (for a reason that will be evident when reading the verses) and the council’s motto “Domine dirige nos” (“Lord direct us”) has been replaced by the more truthful “Pecunia dirige nos” (“Money direct us”).

THE CITY OF LONDON CORPORATION

Meetings of the Court of Common Council

Beneath the statue of a slaver
once esteemed, now out of favour,
the Court will tediously debate
the trivia of its micro state.

Like sheep, the members in their meeting
set about their solemn bleating
and find themselves amazed
to be on hind legs raised.

The Great Reform Act passed them by,
Their rotten borough thrives:
democracy lets forth a sigh
for people’s blighted lives.

City Banquets

The banquets are their chance to meet
the nation’s great and good:
the self-regard of that elite
cannot be understood.

Cruel tyrants too they entertain
and grovelling speeches make:
democracy looks down again
and weeps for people’s sake.

Their leaders don’t care that it’s wrong
to look the other way
and keep their silence on Hong Kong
when there is much to say.

Members’ Privileges

The Members’ Room’s the place to hear
the gossip that they weave
but little truth is spoken there
since they themselves deceive.

In Guildhall Club they dine and drink,
the cost to them is low:
they care not what the voters think
because they’ll never know.

Real honours they expect to get,
at least an MBE:
the main requirement to be met
is long term loyalty.

The Freedom of the City

But bogus honours they bestow,
the Freedom’s widely sought:
it’s free for those they want to know
but otherwise it’s bought.

The Court is foolish to decide
to court celebrity
and those who speak for genocide
e.g. Aung San Suu Kyi.

All Freemen claim the privilege
(although it isn’t true)
of driving sheep on London Bridge
and other nonsense too.

The Livery

The members of the livery
resort to history
to leave behind reality
and enter fantasy.

Suburbia is left behind,
the loving cup is passed:
at any dinner you will find
how long a speech can last.

In Common Hall the livery
foregathers every year
and there defies democracy
by naming the Lord Mayor.

The Lord Mayor

The Lord Mayor speaks, but others write,
the words he has to say:
he acts, but does not have the right
to act in his own way.

At Court he sits upon the chair
and wears an antique hat:
sometimes he isn’t even there
but nothing turns on that.

The Lord Mayor’s Show that people see
is not all there’s to know
for it’s the Chair of Policy
who runs the bigger show.

Public Relations, and the governing Policy and Resources Committee

It’s constant spin from day to day
that makes the Court survive
and PR is the only way
that P&R can thrive.

The Court has millions that it spends
but not on doing right:
it subsidises privileged friends
and shuns the people’s plight.

But PR makes this seem all right,
means justify the ends:
the darkness of this art makes bright
the message that it sends.

The Officers

The officers must all be praised
for everything they do:
their blunderings must be erased
while “lessons learned” are few.

The public good is better served
by private companies
for public service is preferred
by those who serve their ease.

For “urgent” is at least a week
and “medium term” a year
but “long term” you need never seek
because it won’t appear.

The Brotherhood

A quarter of the councilmen
(for men these ones must be)
are members of a secret den,
a grand fraternity.

They’re on the level and the square
and help a widow’s son:
in dealings they are very fair
but only if you’re one.

The sacred knowledge that they keep
is hid from public view:
the metaphor returns to sheep
and silliness anew.

The Court of Common Council – Conclusion

A little power and little men
should not together go
for greater harm is done by them
than they may ever know.

In self-importance they excel
and dwell in fantasy
but in the distance sounds a bell
that tolls reality.

This tawdry Court, this pantomime
without the jokes or singing,
must know at last that it’s now time
to hear the changes ringing.

The header shows the Yorkshire Pied Piper Amanda Owen, disguised in Little Bo Peep’s clothing, leading the City of London council ‘leadership’ across Southwark Bridge during the September 2021 sheep drive. The shameless lemons following her in red robes are left to right current lord mayor Michael Mainelli (mason), former lord mayor David Wootton (mason), then lord mayor William Russell (in silly hat) and on the right facing sideways, current chair of policy (=’leader’ of the council) Chris Hayward (mason).