Is it a burger bar? Is it a Wetherspoons? No, it’s The Denizen!

Children who don’t know The Denizen is a block of luxury flats tend to assume it’s some sort of fast food joint, and so when the hoardings first appeared it wasn’t unusual to hear kids saying things like: “Mummy can we go there to get a pizza?” The entrance interior looks remarkably similar to those of local J. D. Wetherspoon budget chain pubs such as the Masque Haunt on the corner of Old Street and Bunhill Row, or the Sir John Oldcastle on Farringdon Road. Once children understand the building is a block of supposedly luxury flats, it isn’t unusual to hear them cry: “But why would anyone live there? It’s so ugly!”

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Officially It’s The Denizen But To Locals It’s The Turd!

Central London is full of developments known by ridiculous names like The Shard, The Gherkin, The Walkie Talkie and The Cheesegrater. Many of these monikers are informally conferred on the buildings. While not yet built, The Denizen’s nickname The Turd is fitting because it absolutely stinks that the site was flogged off to Taylor Wimpey by the City of London, and then granted planning permission by the same local authority. It simultaneously underscores that Allford Hall Monaghan Morris broke the rule that architects shouldn’t shit on their own doorstep. That’s exactly what AHMM have done with The Turd, the site is a short walk from their Old Street office. The Denizen’s design makes it look like a toxic crap from another unloved local ghost home complex, The Bum, officially TP Bennett’s Bezier apartments on Old Street roundabout.

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Denizen Of The Dead: Flesh Eating Ghost Homes!

Inspired by classic horror movies and computer games including Black Ops II, Taylor Wimpey brings you a new central London development, The Denizen. Situated in Golden Lane on the border between Cripplegate and Finsbury, The Denizen hosts unique flesh eating ghost homes. The Denizen represents much more than a property investment, it is somewhere you can send an unwanted spouse and other troublesome relatives to die in agony. The Denizen is a gate to hell from which your tormentors will never return. Built over a medieval plague pit, The Denizen will scare the living daylights out of anyone who visits this pseudo-luxury apartment block. If ghouls don’t rip the entrails out of your unloved ones as they scream for mercy, that is only because your burdensome family members died of fright before being torn limb from limb!

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Taylor Wimpey Will Screw Gerrymander Mansions Apartment Buyers!

While those thinking of buying into Taylor Wimpey’s proposed Gerrymander Mansions development might be under the impression it is a gold-plated investment opportunity, should they be foolish enough to part with their money they’re more than likely to find themselves mugged off with a liability rather than an asset. Of course demolition hasn’t even started on Bernard Morgan House – the social housing in Golden Lane that Taylor Wimpey plans to replace with luxury flats – but Gerrymander Mansions already has thousands of enraged neighbours!

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Was Fat ‘Cat’ City of London Planning Chair Chris Hayward Lying When He Claimed He’d Only Do Lunch Once A Month?

This is what the Watford Observer quoted Chris Hayward as saying about the role and workload of City of London councillors in an article of 20 March 2013: …he stressed the role is unpaid and would involve no more than “one lunch time meeting a month”. He said: “It is not exactly a major time commitment. If it was anything more than one meeting then I wouldn’t do it. The councillors in the City of London also receive no allowances whatsoever. This isn’t a David Lloyd scenario, there is no income for common councilmen, it is more of an honorary body.”

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