Corporation of London Is Going To Hell In A Handcart

As the calendar year changes many people like to speculate about what the future holds. We were wondering about the fate of the City of London council, and thought it would be useful to do a simple Tarot reading for the Corporation. We did a three card past/present/future spread. What we turned up shows the long term outlook for the City to be very bleak.

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We Demand Votes For The Dead In The City of London!

The City of London is the only local authority in the UK to retain the business vote, and this gives the dead hand of finance control of the council while simultaneously depriving local residents of a proper democratic voice. If non-residents can vote in the City of London why not let the dead vote too? Of course, the potential number of dead voters is far larger than those who get the business vote, but that will make the contest fairer since there is nothing just about non-residents being able to vote.

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Two Chorleywood Votes For Every City of London Resident!

Since the City of London is so unwilling to abolish both the business vote and its bicameral local political system (i.e. the office of alderman), let’s temporarily resolve the matter by giving all City residents two votes in Chorleywood. Mark Boleat, Chris Hayward and their cronies love the lack on democracy in the borough in which they get elected on business votes, so we’re sure they’ll welcome an adaptation of this system on their home turf!

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Officially It’s The Denizen But To Locals It’s The Turd!

Central London is full of developments known by ridiculous names like The Shard, The Gherkin, The Walkie Talkie and The Cheesegrater. Many of these monikers are informally conferred on the buildings. While not yet built, The Denizen’s nickname The Turd is fitting because it absolutely stinks that the site was flogged off to Taylor Wimpey by the City of London, and then granted planning permission by the same local authority. It simultaneously underscores that Allford Hall Monaghan Morris broke the rule that architects shouldn’t shit on their own doorstep. That’s exactly what AHMM have done with The Turd, the site is a short walk from their Old Street office. The Denizen’s design makes it look like a toxic crap from another unloved local ghost home complex, The Bum, officially TP Bennett’s Bezier apartments on Old Street roundabout.

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The Denizen & Life Within, A Rum Old Story

Since The Denizen is being marketed to property investors in Hong Kong among other places, some of those who buy into these as yet unbuilt ghost flats are likely to hail from that territory. The lack of democracy in the City of London will be familiar to them from their hometown. The local council here is positively feudal and is largely elected on a business vote (something long abolished in the rest of the UK). Both Hong Kong and the City of London could do with a revived version of the ‘umbrella revolution’ associated with the Occupy Central democracy movement on Hong Kong Island. However it seems more likely that those buying into The Denizen off-plan will come to terms with ‘the life within’ by drinking several bottles of rum a day, rather than by participating in future Occupy London protests.

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Wiccans United Against Taylor Wimpey & The Denizen!

Witches from the Cripplegate Coven revealed today that they are directing a deadly and hostile current of Will against Taylor Wimpey and their new development The Denizen. A spokeswitch for the group informed Reclaim EC1 that everyone will soon see the results of these ongoing workings, which have put a curse on this unwanted building and will financially ruin any property speculator who invests in the Golden Lane ghost homes.

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Denizen Of The Dead: Flesh Eating Ghost Homes!

Inspired by classic horror movies and computer games including Black Ops II, Taylor Wimpey brings you a new central London development, The Denizen. Situated in Golden Lane on the border between Cripplegate and Finsbury, The Denizen hosts unique flesh eating ghost homes. The Denizen represents much more than a property investment, it is somewhere you can send an unwanted spouse and other troublesome relatives to die in agony. The Denizen is a gate to hell from which your tormentors will never return. Built over a medieval plague pit, The Denizen will scare the living daylights out of anyone who visits this pseudo-luxury apartment block. If ghouls don’t rip the entrails out of your unloved ones as they scream for mercy, that is only because your burdensome family members died of fright before being torn limb from limb!

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